Yoochun Edit requested by Chunporn
Yes, he was back. You could see it in the way he acted. Those awkward, empty glances to people he met just while passing by made it more clear to himself too. Yoochun kept biting his lip like he was trying to calm himself down. His heart was racing for some reason. It made him feel so warm inside that it created almost a feeling like panic inside him. Nervousness was growing inside him for unknown reasons. He wasn’t usually like this. And to be honest.. Yoochun knew but he didn’t want to admit it even to himself. He couldn’t allow himself to think like that. He was a person who was calm and collected. Now he just didn’t seem so. He had to quit this. He disappeared for reasons. No need to explain it to anyone.
The clothes were spread around the room because he had a need to put them into the closet in the right way. He felt like labeling them; that was for Wednesday and that for Saturday. At least something would be under control then. The suitcase was empty and open on the bed. He felt empty and annoyed. He wanted to curse but he just stayed silent. The room seemed to be further away. Yoochun felt like sleeping but the room was too messy for it. Aish. He was cut in half; should he just hide or keep doing what he was doing? Yoochun felt weird cause he was back. For those some weeks he had been gone, he barely had talked at all. Or eaten anything at all. Just by looking at the mirror made him notice that his cheeks were more slimmer — his whole body was slimmer. To Yoochun he looked like a freaking stick and it annoyed him. He looked like he was annoyed. But he was all the time. Finally his looks completed his personality.
There wasn’t not much need to think how he should organize the closet. Men shouldn’t think this as much women. Well that was the stereotype. Yoochun remembers so many books about the past when women were just in home doing stuff that was normal to women. “Aye.. oh god.” Just realizing how stupid he was again made him shake his head. This is how people get stupid. Remembering past was stupid. Idiotic thing to do. And still humans did it. Almost everyone does it. Yoochun doesn’t want to admit it. He has experience on it and how worse results it leads to. Third shirt was in the closet and Yoochun felt like he had achieved more than he had done in the past weeks. “I should just burn these all.. so annoying.” And once again he showed his favorite type of sentences he liked to say out loud. But no one heard that. Hopefully. When he stopped walking, he decided to sleep. It wouldn’t be a bad choice. But he somehow people always manage to stop his sleeping. Like God wouldn’t allow him to sleep at all.
Has it been 2 years? Or 2 months? Time seemed to fly so fast these days. Yoochun wasn’t so sure why. Usually it would just crawl forward just like when people glance the clock every two seconds. It felt weird.
It was one of these days when Yoochun was just staring at the clock. He had had the same clock for years now. It had some bruises when it had dropped to the floor. But it looked okay.
2.. 3… oh 7 already.
Sometimes he had this thought; what was time? How the hell some old man with a bald head and a beard had come up with time? Actually it doesn’t exist like he does. If it would it could be measured. But Sumerians came up with the system people use these days in clocks. And in basically everything.
Exactly 3 minutes and 42 seconds later Yoochun glanced down, seeing his probably cold coffee mug in his hands. Everything looked weird to him as he stayed silent only hearing the clock ticking. Why was he like this today? Yoochun was like this.. every month. It wasn’t a freaking PMS he was having at the moment.
A view of breaking class appeared to his mind. He could break a window. Just to release this stress.. or was it just depression? Everything was mixing to each other. Yoochun didn’t know what to think. His mind was giving him thoughts. About things. That he denied right away.
Not those again.
Should he go back to the past? Wouldn’t it be nice just to.. let it go for a moment? Yoochun knew if he’d do that, he’d be messed up once again. But isn’t he always been messed up? In some days he wasn’t so much and in some days he was.
He had desires, he wanted things. He wasn’t just sure should he allow himself to get them. They were getting to him for sure. They were knocking on his door just waiting to get in.
Knock knock knock.
Impatient person kept knocking on the door. Expressionless Yoochun could sense that he was being an idiot. But oh well.. that’s life. He didn’t care that much. As he was feeling slow today, he didn’t move right away. Yoochun started feeling sleepy. Should he sleep? Let the person just stand behind the door? He wasn’t so sure anymore.
Fuck it, he thought and got up from the bed leaving the mug on the table next to the other mugs that he had left there over days not having a interest to clean. Even though he liked being in a clean house. He opened the door not feeling anything particular at all. Just.. emptiness. The guy looked like that too, who was standing with a shoulder bag on him. Yoochun blinked and could feel the annoyed feeling that came from the guy. And it was freaking contagious.
“There you go, kiddo.” Yoochun gave him money and he knew what the guy was thinking about; he was cursing Yoochun so bad in his mind that it was actually amusing him. “Mm.. thanks.” The bag looked like it was inviting him. Why did he even bought it?